Sunday, March 18, 2007

My Self Image Issues

Hi friends, I decided to go personal tonight and dig a little into my past.See that person in the picture above, I may have body issues and self -image issues but I still try to be a good person and love others.I feel so insecure sometimes , I feel like a plain -Jane and I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others, I feel like a big loser sometimes, like a born failure, I feel alone in life like I am here on the outside looking in, I eat to comfort myself when I am sad or depressed, I can still hear my dad's voice in my head telling me what a loser I am, I stumble through life wondering what my purpose is, I feel afraid to get close to people sometimes because I am afraid they will not not love me for who I am, I feel like I can never measure up no matter how much I try, tears do'nt come too easily , maybe because my heart is scarred, I wish I could live underground and avoid the world sometimes, I feel insecure because my stomach makes me look pregnant , but Jorja has a beer belly which she has admitted from her love of beer so I try to think about that when I get down on myself, I can feel a little bit of a depression coming, pray I make it through, I hope I make it through this week, I Love You All and Hugs Lisa XO

12 comments:

imgr8phil said...

What is making you feel like this right now?  If you like the person you are then you should worry about what others may say that is negative.  You like that you are a caring person and if people cannot accept that then you don't need them in your life.  You go out and have a good week and be happy, your trip to Vegas is right around the corner.

Phil

queeniemart said...

i love you, always. YOU are the most caring and loving person i know. I could smack the shit out of your dad for how he has made you feel. I understand your feelings well, of course. If only you saw what i see. A beautiful, real, honest and compassionate woman!
love,lisa

jckfrstross said...

have a good week:)

Deb

motoxmom72 said...

Lisa...first of all your picture is GORGEOUS!!!  I can understand where you are coming from, though.  I have insecurity issues, a damn black cloud of doom following me around all the time, problems with weight and sense of failure.  Everyone wouldn't be human is they didn't admit they had similar kinds of fears throughout life.
Keep your chin up!  You've got prayers coming your way!
Hugs,
Gina

dca721 said...

Hi Lisa,
I am sorry I have missed you online lately.
I haven't been on all that much.
I look at your picture and you are beautiful.
I wish you could see yourself the way I can.
What's most important is that you are beautiful inside.
You've got it all, beauty inside and out.
I was on Paxil for a while and it really helped me alot.
Have you thought of asking your doctor for an anti-depressant?
Hopefully you can get through this rough patch without it, but if you continue to feel down, it is worth trying.
I'm with Lisa, I too would like to kick your fathers ass.
Hang in there and keep your chin up.
Have a good week.
Love,
Donna

mastersblynn said...

What are you talking about?  You are beautiful on the inside as well as the outside.  I have never met a sweeter person than my best friend Lisa.  I loved our talk over the phone the other day.  You keep your chin up and your eyes on the skies.  You are one of Gods most beautiful creations and I love you! xox Barbara

eml625 said...

Lisa, Your gorgeous. Inside and out.
Your caring, compationate......I only just met you and I see this.
Dont be so hard on yourself, and seriously dont let your father do this !!!
Your way better than that.
BIG hugs,
Ellen

emmi2sweet said...

Lisa sweetie, you are not a plain Jane ... I look at this picture & I see a young lady who is coming into her own, I have a pic. from Christmas that you sent me that I feel the same way about so you can't tell me this is a better pic. Believe in yourself & others will start to see your beauty as well. You're so worth it girl. Emmi

siennastarr said...

Lisa, you are being far to hard on yourself.  That's why you are so obsessed with Jorja Fox.. because she is what you want to be.  But, you know what?  You are a lovely woman, with a big heart, who cares very deeply for other people.  It shows in what you say and do.. and how you always are so thoughtful when you send people special things that you know will make them smile.  Pretty is, as pretty does, Lisa.  
My stepfather used to say the same things to me, and yes, it does have a big influence on who you become as an adult.  But, it doesn't have to.  We can allow the nasty things they said to us knock us down... or we can stand tall and be proud of who we are.

I am so sorry you are feeling so down on yourself.  I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I can't.  That is up to you, my friend.  

Hugs and love,
Jackie

ksgal3133 said...

You are a beautiful person Lisa...inside and out! It's hard to get past those negative comments that others say to you especially when your growing up. We all love you :)

Hugs,
Gretchen

therealslimemmy said...

aw lisa hang in there i know we all have times like this where we will not be happy and want to look like something else or be someone else...we just need to learn to love ourselves and focus on the good qualities and not the bad we pick at ourselves that no one would even notice...
you are a great journal friend and i wouldnt change anything about you
hugs
emily

magogos said...

Lisa,
This is sometimes called"low self-esteem," but I think of it as "having the downs on yourself." You are not the child your father put down, probably out of his own insecutity as a man(obviously he is also a bad father, too.) You are a good looking woman-no you don't have a "Hollywood starlet" face- but neither does Jorja. She has done what you have not yet done- recognize she has her own different kind of beauty. You do too. Absolutey-I would not lie to you.
Is there anyway you can start giving yourself a different kind of self-talk? When you feel you don't measure up to something, remind yourself that you DO TOO measure up. In other words try to turn your thoughts around to a positive outlook.
Many Hugs, Margo