Saturday, June 30, 2007

Reflecting

 Hi friends, hope you all are having a good Saturday.My brother came over last night and told me that my dad had been at the Giants game yesterday and had collasped and had to be rushed to a SF hospital where his heart had to be shocked with paddles to be bring him back to life. He died for a few minutes and then was shocked back to life.I felt numb and sad when I heard this.I know for a fact if I would have been the one in the hospital my dad would'nt call me or come by to see me.I endured years of name calling and physical abuse from him, The best relationship I have with my dad is a non -existant one, I wish things were different but I have faced reality a long time ago and tried to move on with my life but I do wonder sometimes if my dad  and I were close if I would'nt feel the need to comfort myself with junk food, I have had a hole in my life that I guess I tried to fill myself , Does it work ? Sometimes I suppose, but I do wonder what if all the time.The thing that my dad did to me which really hurts is that he never made me feel like I mattered, He put strangers before his family and never went out of his way to treat us like we were special.I went to go see the movie Sicko today, it really was good and an eye-opener as well on health care.I could'nt stop crying during some parts of it,sad to say that question about my mom saying she wished I was'nt so attractive was true, now why she said that, I do'nt know, but I do'nt think I want to know why actually, I Love You All Lisa XO

11 comments:

queeniemart said...

i wish somehow i could take some of the pain away that your dad has caused you...i hope someday he makes amends with you....he sure is missing out on a wonderful daughter!! You are a GREAT friend to us all.
love you,lisa

imgr8phil said...

That is sad about your dad.  As far as the junk food and the frame of the bed you do have to take responsibility for some of that.  You can afford a frame for the bed if you really wanted it and you can avoid the junk food as well.  Have a good Sunday and watch your CSI dvds!

Phil

eml625 said...

Sorry about your relationship with your dad. Maybe it will change now that he got sick.
Have a good Sunday.
Ellen

onehenn3chicks said...

Sounds like your dad is getting what he gave.  :-( Karama I tell ya.  I really don't understand your mom's comment.  Was she being nice when she said it?


Amy

ukgal36 said...

I am sorry that you do not have a relationship with your dad...and for all your pain...
hope today is a better day
Lyn

emmi2sweet said...

I'm so sorry for how your dad treated you ... I know all to well how nasty parents can be! All you can do is look forward & make something of yourself. Hugs, Emmi

seraphoflove9001 said...

My heart goes out to you sweetie. I know what it's like to grow up with a horrid father, and a mother with nasty comments. I hope you have a better day sweetie. Just take in a deep breath and try to relax.
Lisa

chevyz71gurl74 said...

I'm sorry your dad treated you such a way...
My "real" dad has never been in my life, I am 32yrs.
old now...and I too "wonder" alot of what if's... I too have
a void in my life..and suppose I always will... but thankfully I have a stepfather in my life that fills that void the best he can.

Although I know you don't have a good relationship with him, I'm glad he is doing okay...for the most part.

(((((((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hugs,
Terri

stetsonsfyre said...

Just giving you a big hug Hon... been there, done that... tho not exactly the same ((((((((((((((((Lisa)))))))))))))))))) Bright Blessings Hon, Teresa
http://journals.aol.com/stetsonsfyre/remembering-to-exhale/

dca721 said...

Hi Hon,
Sorry things are the way they are with your dad.
I think you are doing the right thing is staying away from him.
None of it is your fault.
Wish I could give you a hug.
Love,
Donna

nay0114 said...

Oh Lisa you have me crying now.. I had to sit here the last couple of days and listen to L.A talk about the same thing everyone is first in their dad's life except his own children. It breaks my heart to hear what an effect this has on people. I just wish sometimes I could knock some sense into these dads that don't think of their children. Kids need the love of both parents whether those parents are married or not. You can't divorce your children.
Regardless of what your dad has done all these years.. he is still your father and the only one you'll ever have. I know it hurt you so to hear that he was in the hospital. It's amazing to me that a child can love a parent whether they are a good one or not. They feel no hate. A bad parent in a child's eye is better than no parent at all. A child always hopes that the parent will change.
Don't ever feel you were responsible for anything. Your dad is the loser in all this. He's the one that has lost his daughter. I'm so sorry that he made you feel the way you do no one should ever do that to you.
In spite of your dad, you are an awesome person.. so loving and caring.
I hope you feel better.
Take care and Hugs, Chrissie