Saturday, April 5, 2008

Feeling Numb

 Hi Friends, I think Aohell is eating alerts again, what else is new though ???? My brother came over last night for a while and told me when he had been at work , he had gotten a call from my dad's new wife Kathy saying that X- rays had shown my dad has tumors in his pancreas and lungs , but just the day before my brother told me the doctors had found a tumor in his liver too.Does'nt sound good for him,  whatever it is , it seems to be spreading. I believe he has cancer, I guess I was a little shocked absorbing this news.I'm pondering whether I want to see him or not.I have'nt seen him in over 5 years. Seeing him would be really ackward and his new wife would put me down like always, My brother told me a couple of years ago that my dad told him to tell me that he cut me out of his will, but I was'nt surprised by that.In fact I would have been more surprised if he had'nt being so filled with hate and all.His new wife who is the greediest person I've ever met probably told him to cut me out of the will so there would be more money for her and he did   being the spineless worm he is . A few months ago he sent me a statement in the  mail saying he drained the bank account he had created for me and  it showed that instead of $ 600 that had been in there , now there was a 0 instead.My dad always put strangers before his family so when he remarried he did all kinds of things for his new wife's kids he never did for me and my brothers, we were a burden, he never wanted to take us anywhere or go out of his way for us,  me , Derek and Anthony, "too expensive" were his famous words, yet he took Kathy's kids on countless cruises and trips to Disneyland, I do'nt know, I can forgive sometimes, but I can never forget.If I said all my life my dad made me feel like a 5'th wheel and like I never mattered , it would'nt be a lie.My mom is the parent in my life who has always been there for me, sigh...................any advice for me????? I Love You All Lisa XOXO

20 comments:

markonit said...

... I would make my peace with dad ... it isn't just for him, but FOR YOU ... I don't believe you wouldn't feel his loss ... grin and bear it, say I love you and come home ... you can get over that ... when he has moved on, that is permanent ...

nightmaremom said...

hon... I say go see him... you'll feel better in the long run.
hugs
d

lanurseprn said...

Geez....it sounds like you are describing MY life!  Did we have the same Dad and Stepmother?
I think you should call him and see how that goes, and make a decision if you want to see him or not based on that call. JMO.
Pam

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((((((((LISA))))))))))))))))))))))This is a hard one,I am sorry you had to go through all that.What does your heart tell you to do?Maybe you should make pease with your Dad,even if He doesnt want to,its for you,not for Him.My prayers are with you.

imgr8phil said...

Wel Lisa.  I'd say do whatever your heart tells you to do.  If he were to die and you didn't make your peace with him how would you feel.  That is what you have to answer for yourself.  No matter what he has done he is your dad.  This is one decision that is totally up to you and how you want to remember him.  Anyway, have a good Weekend.  Take care.

Phil

dca721 said...

Wow Lisa,
That is tough.
I am sorry you are in this situation.
I think you should do whatever your first instinct is.
I sure would understand if you didn't want to see him ever also.
Do what is the best thing for you...
Maybe if you went your brother would go with you?
Whatever you decide you did nothing wrong.
I love you,
Donna

nelishianatl said...

I don't personally have any ideas.  He is a very  messed up person to treat you all that way.  It's up to you if you want to reconnect with him or not.  He sounds like a very bitter and not a very understanding person.  Anyone would be hurt by such treatment.

Hugs for you and your brother.  So sorry about the cancer.  That's too bad.  Maybe one or both of them can beat it.  It has been done.

Take care and come and visit me soon,

Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/PRAYINGANDBELIEVING/

cacklinrosie101 said...

I'd say go see him because you probably will feel bad if you don't.  You're such a sweet person.  My ex is like that with all three of my children but I still think they would end up going to see him.  He may still be mean but at least you will know you did the right thing.  HUGS Chris

bojgill4375 said...

I have let others hurt me many times. It does nothing but destroy you inside. All kinds of emotional feelings; and I feel like they can produce health problems.. heart, high blood pressure, and maybe even cancer. Hate and hurt can eat a person alive. It has taken me a very long time to learn to let go of what others have done to me. I am still not untouchable. :-)... but better than before. I can not control what others do or say. They have free choice just like I do. They know when they hurt me... they do it on purpose most of the time. When I let them hurt me really bad... they win at their game. When you I them... I win because they do not achieve their goal in hurting me. Hard to understand until you put it to practice. I heard a minister explain this on the radio one time. Keeping you in my prayers and do what your HEART tells you to do. Why be like him? Hugs and prayers, Janie

onehenn3chicks said...

If you go to see him make sure you're doing it for you and not for him. He's not worth it but you are.  

:-/

Amy

sugarsweet056 said...

The decision to see him or not, is YOURS. Think long & hard about it, let God guide you.
Prayers for all.
Hugs,
Sugar

emabecmar said...

whatever you decide to do, know that it is what you want and not what is expected of you. search your heart and pray, the answer will come to you. ((((((hugs))))))
Love ya,
Cindy xooxoxo

cuteallison1980 said...

I know how you feel about that whole situation with your dad, but I know deep down you still have hope.  I don't know what you ought to do that is entirely up to you to figure out.  Follow your heart with this Lisa.  You can only do what you can do.  Have a happy evening.

Allison

fasttrack58 said...

Special thoughts...
Linda...

queeniemart said...

Pray for strength. God will listen. I am sorry that you heard this news and that it upset you. Your father should be ashamed of himself for how he has done you. You are a wonderful lady.
LOVE you

eml625 said...

Stay strong, whatever you do, you have to do what feels right.
Your in my thoughts
Ellen

emmi2sweet said...

Coming from someone who rarely speaks to a parent I can say you have to follow your heart. If you don't feel it's time to talk to your dad then don't! You have the right to your feelings & just because he has tumors doesn't change the past. Luv ya sweetie. Hugs, Emmi

rgossett4195 said...

Yes Lisa follow your heart and your instincts after all they have never steered you wrong.  I'd speak to your mom maybe she can give you some good advice.  Love rose

siennastarr said...

You have to do what you feel in your heart, Lisa..  Let it guide you.  I had a similar kind of life with my step father, and when he died, there were decisions I had to make.  No one can make them for you, sweetie... You must do what you feel in your heart..

Hugs and love
Jackie

nay0114 said...

NO ALERT for this entry...
Lisa, you know my kids go through almost the same things now with their dad and his slut and her kids. He would never take any of us his family on vacations YET last summer he took the slut and her kids to California. My kids were crushed it was just another slap in the face.
I know you said you haven't seen your dad in a long time and honestly IF it was me I don't think I'd want to see him again dying or not.. especially after what you just said those few things he did to you which were down right mean.. BUT with that being said I am not you and I don't know how guilty you would feel not having tried to talk to him one last time. That is something ONLY you can answer.
Take care and Hugs, Chrissie