Saturday, April 5, 2008

Trying to absorb the news

 Hi friends, I watched the best episode of Cold Case earlier on the CW channel with all songs from Bruce Springsteen, I still ca'nt believe my dad has cancer.It's hard to imagine, I have'nt seen him in over 5 years, I have gone through my whole life without him being in my life pretty much.In his eyes I am a failure and he never accepted me.It hurt beyond words but I moved on without looking back.He has proven to me over and over that he does'nt give a damn about me.I keep thinking did his rotten attitude and hate towards so many people bring this on ? He is full of rage, mad at the world, always looking to see how he can get back at someone, I decided he was'nt what I wanted to be and I took a different route in life, accepting others and being kind, so far it's been ok, I know in my heart I am a good person, not perfect by any means but a good person.Too bad my dad will never know me, I have had so much weighing on my mind today, Angie I'm sorry I did'nt call you back today, got some unexpected company, Tommorow night on CBS at 9:00 p.m. is a new Cold Case, I'll be watching, Gina thanks for calling me tonight, it was nice to hear from a friend,  I am so tired , it's been a long day, I Love You All Lisa XOXO

22 comments:

dca721 said...

Hi Lisa,
I am sorry you are struggling with the news of your father.
He should have never treated you the way he did.
We've had a LONG day and I am going to go to bed.
Sounds like your day has been draining like mine.
I will talk with you soon hon.
Love,
Donna

toonguykc said...

Sorry about your dad.  I know the conflict you are going through.

xoxoxoxo

Russ

emabecmar said...

just take it one day at a time. maybe you can try a phone call first and see how that goes before you decide whether or not to visit. my thoughts and prayers are with you always. (((((Hugs))))))))
Love ya,
Cindy xoxo

cacklinrosie101 said...

Lisa, you're a sweet, caring person so it will bother you even though your dad was a jerk.  My kids are the same way.  I'm agreeing with some of the others that a phone call at first might be easier on you.  I'm keeping you in my prayers.  Hugs Chris

hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((((((((((((((LISA))))))))))))))))))))))))))))I know this is hard for you,I hope I didnt offend you in any way when I srnt you the email yesterday.I will be praying.

peytonswater said...

That's okay, sorry I had company over when you called. Bummer. I know what you mean about your dad and sometimes you just have to take a different path so you don't fall into the same legacy.  Nobody said it would be easy, however you have proved to be a wonderful caring person :)
LOVE YOU
Ang

emmi2sweet said...

You are a caring person that's why your so bothered by your dad's cancer even though he's so rotten to you. Emmi

bobbysgirl8584 said...

Hi Lisa: I am so sorry to hear this news about your Dad. I know you do not have a good relationship with him but still it is very sad news. You are a kind, caring person: it is a shame that your Dad has not been there for you.  stay strong; I will send some thoughts and prayers your way.
Maria

nightmaremom said...

sending you hugs....  you care so much cuz you care... that is a good person!
hugs
d

sugarsweet056 said...

Prayers & love being sent.
God bless,
Sugar

motoxmom72 said...

Your welcome......if I lived near by I would have stopped over with Coffee's in hand......(or tea if you prefer)
HUGS,
Gina

cuteallison1980 said...

I know you hurt sweetie.  You are a good person and never lose sight of that.  Hope you have a happy Sunday sweet girl! ; )

Allison

xxroxymamaxx said...

Hi Lisa.  I'm sorry you're feeling down.  Just wanted to say hi and send you big hugs!!  Love, Shelly

chat2missie said...

I'm sorry about your dad.
Missie

imgr8phil said...

I know it has been difficult on you your whole life.  I wish there was something perfect I could offer you.  It is sad that he has lived his life like  he has and now sad that maybe his life will soon be ending.  I hope you hang in there ok Lisa.  I'm more worried about  you than him.  Take care.

Phil

lanurseprn said...

I'm so sorry about your Dad. I hope you can come to terms with things eventually.
Pam

queeniemart said...

you ARE a wonderous lady, so loving and kind. It is very sad that your dad never found that within himself. He has missed out on a wonderful daughter.
Love you

jckfrstross said...

I know how hard it must be for you with your dad being the way he is. But you are a much better person. He has to live with what he has done. have a good week

Deb

markonit said...

... sorry for you dad ... you are a good person, and don't ever forget it ..!

rgossett4195 said...

we are not our parents nor are we what they did to us or what they may think of us.  We have the possiblities to be whatever we want to be.  REmember that Lisa you are a wonderful person and are good enough.  Sorry about your father. Love rose

bojgill4375 said...

No one is perfect Lisa. Sorry that you had to endure the treatment of your dad. Praying you can put it all behind you one day. God Bless and hugs, Janie

nay0114 said...

No alert for this one either... you're a great person Lisa in spite of how your father was. I know you're hurting because like I told you before regardless of the fact that he was an awful father to you.. he is sadly the only father you will have in your lifetime.. can't change that. So I know you're feelings are torn about his illness. He doesn't deserve your concern for the way he has treated you and your brother.
Take care and Hugs, Chrissie